Is It Menopause or ADHD?

So. I went in for my operation as Laura and came out someone completely different.

I had a complex hysterectomy and my ovaries were removed. Not one person ever spoke to me about menopause. I went home, and for the next three years I cried every day. I forgot everything. I was angry. I went from the life and soul of the party to staying in. It felt like a dark cloud above my eyelids.

And I honestly thought it was dementia.

It wasn't. After years of depression, anxiety and PTSD diagnoses, it all came back to one thing. ADHD. Diagnosed at 44. My first words were "No, I haven't." A bit of a shock, but also a bit of a relief.

If you're googling "is it menopause or ADHD" at some ridiculous hour of the night, this is for you. I'm not a doctor and I can't diagnose you. But I can tell you what I'd look at if I were you.

Why the two look exactly the same

Here's the annoying bit. Menopause and ADHD share almost all the same symptoms:

• Brain fog, and losing words halfway through a sentence
• Forgetting appointments, names, why you walked into the room
• Rage that comes out of nowhere and scares you
• Crying at an advert for gravy
• Not being able to start simple jobs
• Lying awake with your brain going ten to the dozen
• Feeling like you've lost yourself

So when you go to your GP and list all that, you'll probably hear "it's just the menopause". And it might be. But for a lot of us, it's not just the menopause.

The question to start with

Start with one simple question:

Was any of this there before?

Menopause brings new symptoms, or makes them far worse. ADHD has been there all along. Menopause just takes away the thing that was propping you up, so it finally shows.

Here's mine.

As a kid I never stopped talking. I butted in. I was told to shut up and sent to my room. At school I was the funny, disruptive one, and the more people laughed, the more I carried on.

Then I did 30 years in one job. I was a top sales performer, and I was always in trouble for my messy desk and forgetting things. They let it slide because the sales were insane. Thirty years of a messy desk, all of it long before menopause.

I used to think ADHD was just naughty kids. Until I got diagnosed.

Why menopause blows the lid off

Oestrogen plays a part in how your brain uses dopamine, the chemical behind focus, motivation and memory, and that's exactly what ADHD brains struggle with. So for years, your hormones were quietly helping out, and with a lot of effort you looked like you were coping.

Then perimenopause starts swinging those hormones all over the place. Or, like me, surgery takes them away overnight. The help stops. All the coping tricks you'd built for 40 years suddenly stop working, and everything seems to go at once.

That's why so many women get to their 40s and think "what on earth is wrong with me?"

About the author

Hi, I'm Laura

My ADHD was not recognised until perimenopause made everything impossible to ignore. I built ADHD in Women to give you the calm, clear support I wish I had earlier.

I know what it is to spend years coping, masking and quietly wondering why things got harder when they should have got easier.

Try this tonight: the look-back list

Grab a bit of paper and draw a line down the middle.

On the left, write "Before": things from school, your teens, your 20s and 30s. On the right, write "Since": things that started or got much worse in your 40s.

Some things to think about for the left side:

• Were you told you talked too much, or were "away with the fairies"?
• Were school reports full of "could do better if she concentrated"?
• Did you leave everything to the last minute, then pull it off in a panic?
• Have you always lost keys, missed letters, paid late fees?
• Did you work twice as hard as everyone else just to look like you were coping?

If the left side is full, that's worth taking seriously. If almost everything is on the right, it's more likely to be menopause, and that deserves proper help too.

Either way, you've now got something real to take to your GP, instead of a vague "I don't feel right". And that list is gold. It's exactly the kind of real-life example that gets a GP to actually listen.

If you want help putting it together, I made the "Please Listen to Me" ADHD Appointment Pack. It helps you organise your real-life examples and gives you the words to ask for an adult ADHD assessment. There are UK, Australia and New Zealand versions, and it's 9. Get the "Please Listen to Me" pack here

It can be both

This is the bit nobody tells you. It doesn't have to be one or the other. For me it was both.

Three days into the right HRT, I thought I'd won the bloody lottery. I thought it would fix my ADHD too. It didn't. Menopause and ADHD are awful together, but they need dealing with separately. There's no one fix for both.

So if someone tells you "it's just your hormones", you're allowed to say: "Maybe. But I'd like to look at ADHD as well."

Where to start

If you read this and kept nodding, take my free two-minute quiz. It's 15 questions, it's private, and it's called Is it menopause... or could I have ADHD? It won't diagnose you, but it'll help you see your own pattern, and whether it's worth talking to your GP.

Take the free quiz here

Free class

When Everything Changed in Your 40s

If today's article felt like someone was finally describing your life, this companion guide goes much deeper with practical exercises, printable worksheets and calming tools designed specifically for women navigating ADHD and perimenopause.

Explore the Guide

And if you want the whole story of why everything changes in your 40s, I recorded a free class about it: When Everything Changed in Your 40s.

You won't get the old you back. But you can meet who you are now.

Written by Laura, founder of ADHD in Women. Laura was diagnosed with ADHD at 44 after surgical menopause. This article is lived experience, not medical advice. Please speak to your GP about any symptoms.