How Do I Ask My GP for an ADHD Assessment?

So. You've got ten minutes with your GP. You've been rehearsing it in your head for a week. You sit down, your mind goes completely blank, and you walk out having talked about your knee.

Sound familiar?

That was me. For 18 months after my ovaries came out, I kept going back to the GP and kept getting "give it time, you've just had your ovaries removed". I'd go numb in the room. I'd write a list, then forget to take the bloody list.

I masked most of my life, and a big part of that was rehearsing conversations before they happened. Rehearsing in your head only gets you so far. Having it written down gets you further.

I'm not a doctor. I can't tell you whether you have ADHD. But I can tell you how to walk into that appointment prepared, so you're harder to fob off with "it's just the menopause".

Why it's so hard to get heard

If you're a woman in your 40s or 50s, you've probably got a lot going on at once: brain fog, forgetting things, rage, sleep gone to pot, crying, overwhelm. All of that fits menopause. So that's often where the conversation stops.

And for years, women with ADHD were missed. We didn't look like the naughty boy at the back of the class. I used to think ADHD was just naughty kids, until I got diagnosed at 44. Before that, I'd had years of depression, anxiety and PTSD diagnoses.

So you need to make it easy for your GP to see the full picture. The way to do that is real examples.

Step 1: Write down real examples (this is the big one)

"I can't concentrate" is easy to brush off. "I've missed three dentist appointments this year and I've got a drawer of post I'm too scared to open" is not.

Before your appointment, write down examples under these headings:

Then (childhood and school) What were you like as a kid? What did school reports say? I never stopped talking, butted in, and got sent to my room. If you can, ask a parent or sibling what you were like.

Work Messy desk? Missed deadlines? Brilliant in a crisis but useless at the boring bits? I was a top sales performer for 30 years and always in trouble for my messy desk and forgetting things. They let it slide because the sales were good.

Home and money Unopened letters, late fees, things you've started and not finished, the washing that's been in the machine for two days.

Feelings and relationships Snapping at people you love, rejection hitting you like a truck, overthinking at 2am.

What's changed recently What got worse in perimenopause or menopause, and roughly when.

If menopause is in the mix, track it first If you can, keep a symptom tracker for six months before you go. Menopause and ADHD are awful together, but they need dealing with separately, and there's no one fix for both. Six months written down is a lot harder to brush off than "I've not been myself".

Keep each example short. One line each. You want your GP to be able to read it in a minute.

Step 2: Say the words out loud

Don't hint. Don't wait for your GP to guess. Say it clearly, near the start:

"I'd like to be referred for an adult ADHD assessment. I've written down some examples from my childhood, work and home life. Can I show you?"

Then hand it over. Let the paper do the talking while your brain catches up.

If your GP says "it sounds like the menopause", you can say:

About the author

Hi, I'm Laura

My ADHD was not recognised until perimenopause made everything impossible to ignore. I built ADHD in Women to give you the calm, clear support I wish I had earlier.

I know what it is to spend years coping, masking and quietly wondering why things got harder when they should have got easier.

"It might be partly that. But a lot of this was there long before menopause. I'd still like to be assessed for ADHD."

You're allowed to ask.

Step 3: Make the appointment work for you

• Ask for a double appointment if your surgery does them. Ten minutes isn't long for 40-odd years.
• Take someone with you if that helps, or ask if you can record notes on your phone.
• Don't try to remember it all. Read from your list. Nobody minds.
• Mention menopause too. It's fine to want help with both.

Step 4: Ask what happens next before you leave

This is where lots of us come out and realise we've no idea what happens now. So before you stand up, ask:

1. "Are you referring me? Who to?"
2. "How long is the wait, roughly?"
3. "Is there anything I can do or fill in while I wait?"
4. "When should I chase it if I haven't heard?"

Write the answers down. Your brain will not hold on to them in the car park.

In England, you may hear about "Right to Choose", which can let you choose which provider does your assessment. How it works varies by area and has been changing, so ask your GP what's available where you live.

In Australia and New Zealand, the rules have been changing, and in some places GPs can now diagnose ADHD themselves. Ask your GP what the options are where you live, including costs and waiting times.

If you get fobbed off

It happens. It doesn't mean you were wrong to ask.

• Ask for the reason to be written in your notes.
• Ask to see a different GP at the same surgery.
• Go back with your list. Same examples, same words.

Walk away, give yourself a few days, and come back to it.

I made this easier for you

Writing all of that down when your brain is foggy is a lot. So I made the "Please Listen to Me" ADHD Appointment Pack. It helps you organise your real-life examples and gives you the words to ask for an adult ADHD assessment. There are UK, Australia and New Zealand versions, and it's 9.

GP appointment pack · UK, Australia and New Zealand versions

"Please Listen to Me" ADHD Appointment Pack

If today's article felt like someone was finally describing your life, this companion guide goes much deeper with practical exercises, printable worksheets and calming tools designed specifically for women navigating ADHD and perimenopause.

Explore the Guide

Get the "Please Listen to Me" pack here: UK version · Australia version · New Zealand version

Not sure yet whether it's ADHD at all? Start with my free two-minute quiz. It's private, and it'll help you see your own pattern before you book anything.

Take the free quiz here

Written by Laura, founder of ADHD in Women. Laura was diagnosed with ADHD at 44 after surgical menopause. This article is lived experience, not medical advice. Please speak to your GP about any symptoms.